I think it’s wise to take some time to contemplate the things we read and hear. Recently I read something I thought could serve as an excellent example of how empathy and humility can serve us in our daily life. We need to take the time to actually listen and read the words being shared with us. Then we need to see if there is more to the story than we are aware of. Finally, we must apply an objective approach to the information. That is when we strip out our bias and programing to reveal whether the words people are communicating matches the information we have received.
I believe most arguments occur because we are unwilling to actually listen. We get an idea in our head about who the person we are talking to is, and no matter what they say, they are wrong. I think this is unhealthy and living this way robs us of our ability to live harmoniously. It’s a terrible existence that fosters bitterness, anger, and hostility.
I am a firm believer that negativity begets negativity. When we indulge these kinds of behaviors it steals genuine opportunities of growth from us, and it further divides society. Ultimately we are not as different as the media suggests. Most people just want to live a peaceful life with occasional bouts of joy and happiness. They want to do their own thing while hoping to leave the world a better place than they found it.
If we take the time to remember this, it allows us to read and hear the thoughts of others in a cleaner, more accurate way. Of course, I am not perfect, I have flaws just as any other mortal man. I find myself falling prey to the same bias and programing that you do. But since I realized my weaknesses and the influences society has placed on my eyes, I have learned how to move the veil away from my sight so I can actually see the world in its natural light.
This was an invaluable tool when I began contemplating the words I read online.
This is what it said:
“Narcissists do not have the ability to self-reflect. They cannot see wrong with what they do and they only see fault in your reaction. They believe every argument is caused by you because, to them, there is no problem with their actions until you reacted to them. They 100% believe you are the problem, and they are the victim. It’s mind-blowing!” – Victoria Gattuso-Therapist
Hunt and Squash Out Bias
At first when I read this, I thought it was a MEME of anger and frustration, but as I delved into it deeper, I learned that the author who wrote this is a mental health professional. I went on a cerebral rollercoaster exploring the intent and function of the message. I wasn’t sure if it was written by someone who was angry, or if they were attempting to educate. After some reflection I concluded the emotion behind the post was one of awe, and fascination.
It was a super fun exercise and I think we all should dive deeper into the observations of others more often. We have the tendency to vilify people based on a snapshot of what they said or wrote.
Overused Words Lose their Impact
Unfortunately, my reaction to her words was due to the overuse of the word narcissism. According to every slightly bitter person everyone who has ever hurt them is a narcissist. This causes the word to lose value, and as a consequence when people use the term accurately the intensity of its meaning is muted. This applies to every overused word in our society. It has become a common practice to call someone an -ist or a -phobe anytime a disagreement occurs. No one is allowed to have their own opinions anymore unless they want to suffer the wrath of the thought police. Everyone has encountered the thought police, and I think everyone has been a member of it as well. Maybe not to the point that they are actively contributing to the modern witch hunt of cancel culture, but everyone has served a role in allowing it to fester.
Cancel culture and incapacitating bias mentioned earlier can be overcome through the willful development of our empathy and humility. When we take the time to imagine how life feels to be another person, to see the world through their experiences and circumstances, and actually listen, it opens doorways. It erects bridges from our spiritual palace to theirs. On these bridges we can find common ground we otherwise would have never believed existed, and it creates opportunities for meaningful change to occur. When we invest in others and take the time to hold space with them, it opens doorways to have important conversations. Through this dialogue we can achieve harmonious and mutually equitable outcomes.
Truly and most fascinatingly this exercise of empathy and humility helps fight against narcistic propensities. So many people in our society have been pulled into ME culture, that we have collectively been taught to believe we are the center of the universe, and that we are the main character in the narrative of life. Due to this why would anyone care about what another person feels or thinks, when the only thing that matters is how WE feel.
Inspire Others to Live with Empathy and Humility
I think the best way to increase the amount people care about each other is by serving as an example. We do this by showing others how to navigate uncomfortable situations. It is not achieved by lecturing, or browbeating. It is through our action, words, and genuine intent. You may not know this, but you have the potential to become a powerful beacon of good. You can spread hope and love into the lives of everyone you meet. You don’t have to be perfect, no mortal man or woman on this earth is perfect. All it takes is for you to try.
Where do we start? How do we inspire others to become more introspective and offer empathy? How do we motivate people to live with humility?
We show them by navigating hardship and pain with humility and empathy. The next time we are blessed with the opportunity to experience hardship, especially when it involves someone else, is to ask ourselves “are we the problem?” What have we negatively contributed to the circumstance? If we have the desire to place all of the blame on someone else, we need to search for the ways in which we are responsible for our own hurt.
If our hardship is relationship related, we need to remember that every bond is a two-way road. If we care about the person we are with, we need to take the time to empathize with them. Search for ways to explore their plight and creatively find methods that will improve their life. To achieve this, we must let go of our tendency to self-victimize.
You are not a victim, you may have been a victim in certain instances, but those are passing seconds. You have the ability to reflect on prior experiences and strengthen your resolve so you can stand strong and tall in the future. You have done this before, you have overcome all of the challenges you have ever faced, and as a result you are more powerful and capable than you realize. You are not a weak and flaccid noodle. You have the penetrative power to pierce through any obstacle and overcome any pain. No one can push you around unless you allow them to. If you didn’t know this, I am telling you now. Within you is a might greater than any bully can muster because your heart is a pillar of endurance and courage.
This is important to know, because many will attempt to force their will on you as you exhibit empathy and humility or begin to creatively navigate your hardships. They aren’t doing this to hurt you, it is quite the opposite, they want to help you using their knowledge and experience. Most have good intentions, unfortunately their advice has been twisted by societal slants that have been corrupted by a condition we all suffer from, called diabetes of the soul. This manifests in a myriad of ways, but in this instance, it represents the way in which we tend to deify and inflate our importance.
They are trying to remind you that you are important. That you should never tolerate any abuse, neglect or harm levied against you. They are right. You should never tolerate these kinds of behaviors.
However, if they are within the cult of ME, they may unknowingly attempt to sabotage your relationships, your faith in God, or even the values you hold dear. They achieve this by repeating the mantra that you don’t need anyone, that you are an independent person who can find happiness alone, and that no one is worth any level of inconvenience. They will press you to leave your significant other as you vent about seemingly insignificant issues, advise you to quit your job at the first sign of stress, and be selfish in moments when you are in duress. These individuals mean well, but due to their inflated sense of self, they elevate themselves and anyone they care about to a state of near deification. As a consequence, their advice, while well-meaning tends to swing to the extreme. As a result, if you follow their guidance, you may find yourself destroying the most important aspects of your life.
These are the most important people we can inspire. As I said before, they do care, they want to see others live their highest quality life, they just tend to take things to the extreme. It is important to note that these people are not evil. They are just like you and I. Everyone has deified themselves to some degree at one point. We all have evil tendencies within us. We all have the proclivity to be selfish, mean and make mistakes. This is life, we are bumbling through it for the first time like a June bug in the night.
As we navigate our time with people who exist within the cult of ME, we need to remind them we are not always an antagonist or villain, we are rarely even a hero, and in most instances, we are a supporting character in the collective story of life. This means we aren’t always one thing, person, or identity, because we are an array of personalities. Like a milk carton we have several sides, each is us, but different from each other. We don’t always deify ourselves; we aren’t always wearing virtue signaling socks, and we aren’t always condemning others. Nor are we always the hero, a support character, or even the person we are right now. We are mutable, dynamic creatures. Our existence is a cocktail of bubbling emotions, hormones, reactions, observations, and circumstances. We do our best to do what we feel, and think is right. We fight when we believe it is the appropriate time, and we try to do some good things with our life. We have to show them this is the nature of existence, and if we seek to achieve a modicum of peace these are realities we must accept.
We need to inspire them to slow down and contemplate what they hear and read. We need to serve as an example of how empathy and humility can be used to enrich our daily lives. We need to reign in our powerful emotions especially when we feel compelled to hyperfocus on irrelevant and unrelated details. We need to help them realize that we are not victims, that we have the autonomy and ability to navigate life even when we are faced with insurmountable strife. We need to show them that people should be judged by their character instead of some preconceived notion of who we think they are, or how someone has described someone. We need to show them that we are responsible for most of the horrors of our existence. Most importantly, we need to show them that they can heal.