Feel Love

In moments when we are offered the key to change our destiny the light may be brilliant and bold. After we return from the portal the elation may be elevating, but we must never allow that energy to run cold. Tend to the spirit within your heart. Grant her the love, life, and delights she needs to dance to the rhythm of the night. Mend your mind with gentle time. Rest in a nest that is peaceful and serene. Give your governor a break from building and bulldozing. Wrap it in a blanket that encourages a deep reflective sleep. Nurture your soul, remind him that we will one day return to our quest to achieve his goals. Massage his incorporeal muscles and remind him why he is powerful, wonderful, and strong. The quest will open your chest, but the test will arrive between each second in scenes that feel equally constricting and free. Your feet will walk an invisible tight rope as your eternal essence sways like trees on a windy day. In the most enlightening moments, you will hone into your roots as you attempt to ground. You may feel lost, maybe afraid, but this is where the true greatness finds you in magnificent ways.

What you feel is what you are supposed to feel. If you find the need to squeal, then squeal. If your spirit wants to dance, be her partner and play. This is the after party, it is the times of the day for you to reclaim how it feels to feel wonderful in wonderful ways.

Give yourself time to write and reflect. Focus on why you went where you went. Think about all the places you chose to go. Explore your journey’s flow and talk about what you know.

And always… Share to share.

Experienced travelers record their adventures. It is a tool that allows them to remember where they have been, so they can reflect on their journey and truly witness who they have become. Time can be challenging to keep track of, we need creative time stamps to remember our footsteps. How can we know how far we have come if we have not recorded our steps.  In the following I will share with you some of the reflections, observations, and feelings I experienced in my greatest transformation. These are to serve as an example for you. This is how I write, but you don’t have to speak in the same poetic tone. Use your voice, tell your story, and express the wisdom, strife, and love of your life.

I feel soft on the inside like a warm fluffy blanket. I can feel the pleasure of the gentle air rolling over my hair. I can breathe deeply as though I were whole. I feel incredible in ways that I thought were impossible. For years I have been wrapped in a sack of inescapable agony. Every moment for as long as I can remember has been agonizing. To feel the pain, slip away in such a meaningful way is immeasurably magnificent. When I breathe it feels clean and good and great and better than ever. I can feel the air fill me fully. I can feel the energy of safety and health radiate through my chest to my fingertips and tip toes.

That first morning after emerging from the portal I felt clear and even. I felt happy and true. When I took my shower, it was out of this world. It was the first time in years I could feel the pleasure of the hot water splashing against my skin. It made me want to cry, but I laughed instead. I haven’t laughed with so much joy in so long.

When you move through life with the loss of so much sensation it eats at you. It slowly slices away the aspects of existence that remind you why life is so magical and marvelous. But now I feel like I have a new lease on life. I finally and completely believe it doesn’t matter how long I live; it doesn’t matter when or how I go. Everyone is in everyone’s life for a reason. Sometimes our time can be a beautiful season like a summer of love that is fast and fleeting, beautiful and bold, and ends in a way that is terrible.

For the first time in my entire life, I can say that I completely and absolutely love life. I love that I am alive. I love that I have been hurt by so many people. I love that I have hurt myself in so many ways. I love every horror and hell I have ever faced. I love every beautiful moment I have witnessed and experienced. I love the memories, the wonderful memories, the spectacular people, and every second that has happened and every second to come.

This portal helped me access the avenues and roads I have been searching for. It gave me the key to start the ignition to drive on every highway I have ever seen. When that car started to move it was an incredible ride. It took me to the worst and best places in life. I laughed and screamed and cursed until I could barely breathe. It was unlike anything anyone could ever foresee. The things I accomplished that night wouldn’t have been possible without my guides, shamans, and incredible humans in my life. They grounded me when I needed to be grounded, helped me accept the healing when I needed to go deeper, and unlocked the shackles that were holding me tight. They were my angels, my starlight guides, and spirits who were instrumental in every way.

On that day I experienced so many incredible things. I got to see and speak with my mother and witness the woeful ways in which I have been broken. I was able to see the Dark Parts of my soul and pluck one from its nasty hurt filled hole. It was a tenebrous snake that when lit emitted and spewed ash. It was an intumescent thing that swelled when exposed to emotional fire and heat. It rested inside an infectious burrow within an old wound that had been leaking rot and waste into my days. Its existence caused me to feel terrible in horrible ways.

When that Dark Part was plucked from my incorporeal skin it left a tunnel that was once burrowed deep within. From this magnificent quest it revealed a rat’s nest that I had to untangle and pull out from its tail. I carved out the rot and wicked waste so my spirit could heal in a natural way. After a single day it left a sunken scar, and now it will serve as a reminder to protect my hurty parts, long before they blister, or I go blind.

I feel the best I have ever been, but there are still hardships in every win. Deep inside I feel the occasional pull from a mechanism that once served as my Dark Part’s tool. This tool was a daily dose of a pill that now gives me the chills. It was the horror of being hurt and harmed by those who were supposed to hold me close. It was the need to receive the torture that was inflicted upon me. It was the desire to have my insides set on fire until I was too tired to stand my ground.

Pulling this single spiritual parasite from my soul transformed me in impossible ways. I can now sleep deeper than I have ever slept. I can breathe deeper than I have ever breathed. I feel like my heart is being hugged by everyone who loves me. My inside zones feel soft and warm and wonderful in wonderful ways. For the first time my spirit feels like she is in a safe place. My soul feels strong and tall, powerful, and great. I feel magnificent in incredible ways. I feel like a million pounds of stone has been lifted from my back. I feel like an eternal vice has been removed from my chest. I feel like death has left so I can feel what it means to live.

When you have endured an existence of shallow, rough, and painful breaths in every second of every day, for as long as you can remember, feeling a healthy breath is heaven. The pleasure of taking a full and complete breath is immeasurable. It is awe-inspiringly incredible in the highest of magnitudes. I feel like every muscle has opened and released. Every fiber of my being has been told it is ok, and it’s safe to feel wonderful in wonderful ways.

Today I am immeasurably thankful for the blessing of being able to confidently say I feel alive in the most beautiful way.

My eyes are glowing with radiant beams of light as I fly through life. I can feel the super charged essence of quintessence flow and spin harmoniously from each vortice to the next. On every fiber of my being, I can feel the melody of love, acceptance, and peace play me like a piano. The bluish indigo hue of my eyes flutter and fly to the dancing music of my golden sacral light. Finally, I have been freed from the shackles of suffering that have been holding me so tight.

I can finally feel true, unfettered love. I can feel my inner might and the eternal delightfulness of life. Never have I known the heaven of movement like I do today. Never have I felt so free to be me. It feels like I am floating through a dream. With my ears open I can feel each note massage my mind. It’s like feeling my mother’s gentle hand roll her fingers through my hair, easing me of every primal scare. I feel like the child I have never been, like the sins committed against me have blown away in the wind. I feel weightless and full like I have just eaten a delicious meal. I feel wonderful, I feel alive, and ready to jump into the beauty of life for the first time.

This journey eased me into a peaceful place that encouraged me to dance and sing. It allowed me to explore and share the divine healing we can achieve and receive from the oneness of being truly and utterly free. It asked me to exist in a space of truth and freedom amongst friends who want to learn, receive and be. Through this gateway I faced the unknowable, incomprehensible complexities of the horrific things committed upon me. It revealed the violations, the loss, and fear. It let me touch my deep inner essence. It helped me hurt in the ways I always hurt. It allowed me to see the love I have for boundaries, trust, and respect. It gave me the pliers to rewire where I have been broken. It allowed me to pull out the dark parts harming my spirit and soul, and in many ways, it made me young in the places I have always felt old.

It opened my inner eye to the chakras I have been blinded to in life. Now as I write I can feel the inner energy reinfused into me during the night. I can feel the spinning disks and the glowing light. I no longer want to squirm like a drying little worm. My essence feels vibrant and pure, I feel golden and radiant and at peace in every wonderful way. My broken parts have been mended, I feel like I can bend without breaking and I feel safe, to feel, throughout the day.

This is an experience of reintegrating after a journey. This explores how I am managing the complex emotional effects of letting go and allowing myself to know the beauty of what my eternal essence needs. This is an experience I had WITHIN MYSELF. It explores the emotional components of my immortal soul, and how the work needs to be continued even after stepping through the portal. The journey doesn’t stop just because you have returned. It will reveal the hurt inside of you and the ways you hurt yourself, so you can heal, and continue to heal. Each and every one of you has an incredible warmth, you are filled with so much love, kindness, and compassion. You may not see it, but it is there. You have so much potential, and you are so powerful. You can achieve your dreams, you can feel free, you can harmonize your duties of life with an existence that is free from strife. You can embrace your challenges, love your hurt, and forgive the past. I have faith that whatever healing you receive you can make it last. You are more than the sum of your past. You are beautiful, incredible, and bold. Inside your heart is a spirit filled with a fire that can melt away any cold. I know this because each and every one of you are incredible.

Last night my Heart had an argument with my Drive and Mind. They wanted to go back to the old ways of working her sweet energy until there was nothing left but little specks. The purple, pink energy at the peak of my tree began to shutter and dim. With panic my Heart said she needed more time to rest, and play, and heal. I could feel her cry inside, begging and pleading with my other incorporeal sides. My Mind and Drive began their process of transmuting her love into a fuel source to launch my power into the sky.

I felt my body twitch and throb as she began to feel fear. She didn’t want to return to the black hole where my dear Heart had been held captive and sad. She didn’t want to be juiced of all her essence until she was a dried-up lemon husk. I could feel my golden energy blaze and burn, I was confused and afraid, but my Mind and Drive continued to push.

She said “No!” Then she screamed. “I’m not ready! I need this, I love you! Let me fly! Love me! Love me. Love me…” Her screams eased as she fell to her knees.

My Drive and Mind stopped, looked at her with compassionate eyes and held her. They tended to her sorrow and pain and guided her back to the warm bundle of blankets within my chest. I could feel her whimper and weep until we all rediscovered peace and fell back asleep.

It’s as though I can see the beautiful spirit glow beneath the skin of those I meet. Everything and everyone who is good and holds the need to do good radiates a beauty that transcends everything the eye would ordinarily see.

I can feel the energy of stone. I can see the magnificence of simple things. I love the soft sparkle of life. I can stare at a simple object, and adore its hidden ridges, pathways, and designs. I can feel the love inside the heart of an artist I have never met. I can feel every note in a song as it strums the chords of creation. I can dance to the wind. I can love without the need for there to be that same essence tomorrow. I can love in the moment to simply help another spirit heal on its own accord.

I understand the essence of what it means to manifest, and I have put it to the test. It is an intent to ask for something you want, so you receive the thing you need. It is being present in the moment and treasuring the gift. It is feeling the pleasure of unwrapping it and falling in love with it, whatever it may be. It is knowing the gift might exist for only a few moments. That some things are beautiful like an ember that burns with a deep glow before it floats away as ash. It is the awareness that a beautiful memory will live forever in the present.

There is no maximum degree of pain we can endure. The agony of existence can be infinite if we allow it to be. The depth of horror and suffering we can store within our spirit and soul is unfathomable. The container that is our heart is without limitation. It can store anything, and everything. The magnitude of its enormity is so vast our hands could never explore the entirety of its expansiveness.

As a lone little creature, we can experience each discomfort individually. We can taste each sorrowful candy one piece at a time. We could toss all of our suffering into a bowl and have a smorgasbord of terrible treats. We could even reflect on the hurt we have faced, but as a lone little creature we can never relearn how to breathe, discover how to feel free, or know the sweetness of peace.

We need others to open the door for us, we need insightful guides to show us the way, and loving souls who want to sit beside our spirit to remind us, everything will be ok.

You are more than the sum of your suffering. You are an infinite wellspring of love and life. You are brighter than the brightest light. You are magnificent and more spectacular than anything anyone could ever see.

If you want to do more than cope. If you truly want to discover Hope, you must be willing to heal your unhealed wounds and mend the scars that have warped you in weird ways. You must seek out others who glow with a golden nimbus light. You must be open, vulnerable, and ready to accept the transformative and awe-inspiring power of love and life. I want you to connect with the magnitude, power, and brilliance of the human form. I want you to reach beyond your perceived limitations to feel the enormity of your existence. I want you to feel every interwoven emotion, tracing each silvery cord to its root. I want you to feed it with truth. I want you to provide your tree of life with the inner acceptance it needs. I want to see you grow strong and tall, beautiful, and bold. I want to watch you confidently hold every ounce of your love and pain without any strain.

Give yourself the opportunity to truly and utterly feel everything. Give yourself the time to feel life. Do more than explore your delights and strife. Be it. Be your love and pain. Be your magnitude, power, and brilliance.

Be the enormity of your existence.

Explore the Depths of Love