We Must Be Proactive When Holding Each Other Accountable
I t is easy to react in the moment with anger and punish someone for the wrongs you have witnessed over time, but it requires confidence and integrity to hold someone accountable for their actions before it becomes a problem. A weak group of men will address an important community issue after it has been a long-standing problem, and a weak man will address an issue only after it has directly affected him. Men are meant to create a safe space within the community, to do this they must build a strong space for themselves. When men fail to uplift each other and hold one another accountable they allow unacceptable transgressions to occur, and consequently they will be unable to deter predators. Our culture has become a place of witch hunts. People are attacked with pitch forks and torches before they are offered an opportunity to defend themselves or say their peace. This is unacceptable and it is the opposite of living with love. A community must have a culture, both spoken and unspoken, but everyone must follow the rules. If a social group lacks governance, it has no rules, and each individual operates by their own personal truth. This permits monsters to prey on the people we have vowed to protect, it tears apart relationships, and steals away the moral integrity of the community. People live as they live, but if it conflicts with the core values of the community, it must be addressed before it causes calamity.
We Must Hold Each Other Accountable Today
When you see someone do something that is inappropriate how do you address it? What are you thinking, how do you approach the problem, and why did you choose to do something or nothing?
It has become socially acceptable to let transgression slide. Society sees something happen they know is wrong, but they do nothing, often with the rationale that it is none of their business, or they must accept everything others do to remain open-minded. Ultimately in every circumstance you must weigh out the risks of your actions, but we cannot sit idly as we watch terrible things happen in our community. If you want to reap the rewards of a loving and caring community you must tend to the seeds, cultivate its leaves and harvest the fruit when it is ready. If we allow pests into our garden, we will not have a harvest to reap.
Life can get busy, and it is easy to get lost in the shuffle of our existence. Sometimes we just don’t have the time or energy to deal with the dreary things that come our way. This is one of the many reasons men need a community. We need brothers to offer us a helping hand when we no longer feel strong enough to stand. We need a sounding board when hardship has overwhelmed our mind. We need others to help facilitate safety and strength when we no longer have the might to muster meaningful change.
The Goal is Course-Correction
We must be proactive with the course-correction of our brothers and peers. We must reveal to them how they are misbehaving and mentor them in the right direction. This means we must speak to them before their actions lead to catastrophe. If the community is picking up pitchforks and torches before we have attempted to address the issue, we have failed. We have failed the community, our brothers, and ourselves.
Our society is filled with hate, anger and pain. We already know this is a terrible way to live our days. Rather than pushing the narratives of society’s evil tendencies we should be fostering a place of love, guidance and goodness. This is achieved by treating others fairly, holding people accountable for their actions, and helping them become the best version of themselves. We must create safe spaces to discuss matters of importance, this means conversations must be private, and people are presented with an opportunity to defend and redeem themselves. If they are never provided the opportunity to see the error of their ways, how can they become a better person? We all make mistakes, none of us are saints, we are imperfect, sometimes insane, and can be unpredictable throughout the day. We need to treat others how we would want to be treated when we make mistakes. Sometimes this means we must receive some tough love, hear hard words, and be warned of what will happen if we continue on our path.
What is the purpose of course correction? Why should we tell someone how they may be causing harm to others, or are acting in a way that conflicts with the core values of the community? It is to help them become a better person, to provide a safe place for people to feel safe enough to play and live in wonderful ways, and it fosters a cohesive community.
Our Inaction Encourages Harm To Our Home
Throughout life we assume people should know they shouldn’t be doing something, but how could they know when, as they do it, the people around them tolerate their behavior? How can they know their actions are against the rules of the community when everyone tolerates their transgressions? How can you punish someone for a wrong-doing when every time they have done it in the past you have politely forgiven them without ever talking to them about it?
The reality is it didn’t matter until it happened to you. Now that the grievance has impacted your life, you have the drive to do something about it. This isn’t justice, it is vengeance. Vengeance does not cultivate a fair, honorable and trustworthy community. If it actually mattered to you, you would have addressed the problem before it came knocking on your door. You would have held them accountable for their transgressions, taken steps to ensure it was resolved, and course-corrected the situation. As men we are natural leaders, and it is our responsibility to protect the community, even when it is uncomfortable, unfortunate, or inconvenient.
No matter what we witness or hear about what others have done, we must remember that we are all flawed and broken creatures. We all make mistakes, embark on self-serving journeys, and fall prey to our base impulses. Rember this when judging others. None of us are perfect, and as a consequence every decision we make will be imperfect.
When we include our flaws, tendencies and biases into our evaluations, it helps us assess our ability to fairly analyze the people around us. It is a process of integrating our humility into our emotional and intellectual calculations to ensure our expectations of others do not exceed the standards we have set for ourselves. If we are incapable of holding ourselves accountable for our actions and inactions, the judgements we make in regard to others will be flawed and unfair.