Healing

Healing ourselves is often an expedition of harrowing pain and grief. In many ways we have to mourn our old ways to introduce ourselves to greater days. It is an adventure that we must willfully embark upon without the pressure of others. We must walk the path because God has showed us the way, not because we feel compelled to by the expectations of others. True healing occurs when the time is right, it is by God’s timeline and terms. Others may present a road map for us to follow, but these guides aren’t the ones who will be driving on our highway of life, they may witness our strife, but it is not they who must face the challenging times to come.

Healing often requires an admission of information that most of us would rather keep quiet. They are feelings and stories charged with sadness, violation and pain. They feel uncomfortable to share because it forces us to relive the experience, and those we share it with gain unrestricted access to our most vulnerable parts. I think it is wise to take some time to consider who we share this information with and how we share it. We also need to think through the experience to isolate the ways in which we were responsible for our hardship. This is important because it grants us the opportunity to take responsibility for our action or inaction, so we may accurately assess what we are doing to contribute to our own misery. In life we are prone to play the blame game. We elevate ourselves to a higher station over others while assuming everyone around us should already know what to do, or not do, even though we know we lack pertinent information in most situations. The goal of this exercise is to exhibit humility and empathy. If we want to exist within a community that cares about each other, we must possess the ability to accurately assess where we exist within the universe and see the world through someone else’s eyes. What were some of the things we did in the circumstance to contribute to the folly of the scene? What can we teach the alleged aggressor for what they did? How can we shape our future so we can avoid encountering the same unfortunate circumstance again?

The perils of society’s programing may cause you to experience anger and pain as you read the last paragraph. Society simultaneously tells us we are the most powerful person in the world while reinforcing we are victims in every scene. We are told to hold everyone accountable for every action, yet we are also told we do not possess the ability to take accountability for our own actions. You are not the most powerful person in the world, and you are not a victim in every second. You are a person, you are flawed, imperfect and capable of making mistakes. You are also beautiful, majestic and incredible in many ways. The key to navigating hardship and pain is through empathy and humility. We must understand that we have the power to make good judgements, think through our scenes, and see beyond what others are telling us to think. You can grow through your hardships, witness where others are trying to take away your autonomy, and live in the most wonderful ways by choosing to limit how others take advantage of you throughout the day.

There are people around us who want us to act, because they want you to make an example of someone else. They will say things like “You need to do this to make sure it doesn’t happen to someone else.”, “What they did to you was wrong and you need to take steps to make it right.”, “The person who hurt you is evil, and they need to be punished.”, “Doing this will help you heal.” While many of these statements are born from a place of love, they may not understand the entirety of the situation. You might not want to share with them the complete story about what happened out of fear of alienation. This may be because you may have done something to violate the trust and sanctity of your relationship and you are afraid of causing further damage. If the people around you do not know the whole story, the advice and guidance they offer you is incomplete, and may be wrong. These are factors you need to consider, so you can make the right decision. So many people tell us that we need to exist in the moment. I say this is hogwash! We need to exist with one foot in the present, past and future. We need to witness the world around us now, reflect on what has happened in the past, so we can create a better future. While the people around you may be offering great advice, it may not be the greatest advice for you. You are the one who must ultimately live with every decision you make, so make sure it is one you can live with.

Sharing your hurt is an action of significance. Anytime we choose to do something of significance, we must take some time to honestly ask ourselves why we want to do it. If everyone’s opinions and pressures were removed from our mind would our answer be the same? If we let go of your anger and pain would the same answer remain? The reason behind why we do significant things is equally important as the action itself. If your heart is on fire, you might initiate a conflagration that burns more than the source of your anguish. You may burn away sacred aspects of your existence, scorch your peace and maybe even burn down your favorite tree. I am not here to dissuade you from what you must do, I simply want you to think about your inner truth. I want you to be honest with yourself, to listen to your inside zones, and avoid any additional agony.

If people are encouraging you to share your hurt you need to assess why they want you to do it, and you need to make sure they want you to do it for you. Anyone who cultivates you to share your hurt who has something to gain from it, is tainted, and their taint may interfere with your healing. They may have good intentions, but they may lack the introspective ability to be honest about their intentions, and as a consequence you may wound yourself in the process. Look into the motivations of others, get to know them, see where they have hurt others in the past. Inquire into how they gain from the situation and weigh out whether they are using you as a tool to achieve their own ends. Even good people will weaponize the feelings of others when they feel wronged. They will do things they would have otherwise never done, because they are hurting, and they will do anything to alleviate their pain.

When we share information, it is important to ask why. Why are we sharing the information, what is the goal of it, and what kind of outcome do we seek? I do believe knowledge should be shared freely, but we have a responsibility to others to ensure we are giving it for the right reasons. Are we doing it to heal? Are we sharing to destroy? Are we doing it because we are following the divine guidance of God? Sometimes people claim they are sharing to heal their own heart or to help others, but if they were honest with themselves, they would admit it was for vengeance, or to satiate their unquenchable thirst. Sometimes we are compelled to share something we would rather keep private, but those around us are prompting us to make it public. Healing requires an acute awareness of our environment and the intentions of the people around us; it is an expedition into the wild and we must make sure each step we take guides us toward walking a higher road. Who is asking us to share, what do they gain from it, have they offered us a space that is healthy, safe, and can lead us toward living better days? Are we being compelled to speak our hurt by vipers who are using our tears to sink their teeth into someone they believe have wronged them? Or are we surrounded by people who want to listen, offer us a shoulder to cry on, grant us sound guidance, and lead us to safety?

Who is calling you to speak and heal? In what way have they requested you to share your deepest wounds? Have they slowed their thoughts and words to ensure the best outcome? Have they consulted with greater wisdom and those with more experience, have they prayed about your woes, or have they chosen to embark on their first and most powerful impulse?

When you shared your wounds, did they tie their anger into your pain? When they offered to hold space, did they inject their story into yours? Did they seek ways to help you feel safe, or did they inflict more worry into your day? When they offered you an opportunity to heal was it with the intent to punish, or help you find peace? Did they offer a safe place to lay your head and heal, or did they believe all you needed to do was to share your pain? Were they willing to admit that they might not know the right way? Did they share that in their wisdom they could be making a mistake? Did they say they would take responsibility for the ways in which their advice might be flawed and maybe lead you astray?